Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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