Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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