respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
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