I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
