my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
