I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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