There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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