if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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