ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
