I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize