I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
