just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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