While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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