Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize