All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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