It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize