I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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