Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
