True but thats because hes a fetus.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
