yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
