His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
