Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
