My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Randomize
