I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
