Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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