Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
