Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Randomize
