i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
