Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Randomize
