she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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