There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
literally had 100 drinks last night.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
