she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
