that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
