this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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