OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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