Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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