if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
