well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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