that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
