Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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