Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
