i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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