I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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