They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
