Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
