We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
