Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
