Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Randomize
