Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
