he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
