I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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