my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
