Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
