His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
