Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
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