a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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