So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
