I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
