Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
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