Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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