this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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