I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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