Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
it's not cheating when I paid for it
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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