I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
