dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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