I'm eating all of the evidence.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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