three words: i give head
three words: not that well
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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