do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
