Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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