my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
nutella sex= disaster
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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