God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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