She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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