The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
this hospital has no fireball
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
