Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Randomize
