swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
