I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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