genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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