Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
