i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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