capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
