Yo dont text me then not text me
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
