On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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