I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I enjoy the company of your penis
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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